Motherhood and marriage, in my limited experience, are more about sacrifice than they are about baby giggles and diamond rings. That may seem obvious when it's stated so plainly, but our life experiences have been marketed to us for so long that it can be easy to forget the purpose and devalue the struggle. Our reactions through the toil, not ease or glamour, create the identity we seek.
In anticipation of becoming a parent, people, myself included, dream of things from sweet baby smiles to playing catch on the lawn and teaching them how to ride a bike. We see changing diapers and crying fits at 3 in the morning as necessary byproducts, but most often seem to decide that those byproducts will be worth it. Similarly, engaged couples look forward to marriage, seeing a white dress or as far ahead as sitting in matching rocking chairs during retirement. Budgeting and chores are byproducts, but worth it.
I'm guilty of thinking this way, but I'm starting to believe I've been missing the point. I may have donned the title of "wife" after a legal ceremony, but it became my identity somewhere between cleaning the bathroom mirror and talking till 4 in the morning because going to bed angry wasn't an option. I might have been described as a mom on the day my son was born and I held him for the first time, but it started shaping my heart when I wasn't looking- when I was focused on giving him all I had and I didn't know if there was anything left.
We get so frustrated when hard times come around, thinking they are proof of our failure, but anyone can handle the sweet and picturesque times! It's our reactions to being tired, anxious, angry, hungry, and hurt that decide who we become.
"Beloved, think it not strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened unto you: But rejoice, inasmuch as ye are partakers of Christ’s sufferings; that, when his glory shall be revealed, ye may be glad also with exceeding joy."
1 Peter 4:12-13
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