Wild wild west

Howdy howdy.

Welp, this week has been pretty good. Hermana Pyle and I figured out a good way to use language study more effectively which essentially entails verb drills with me as the coach. It's a nice review for me and she is finally starting to remember a few conjugations. Teaching in Spanish is virtually impossible when you dono't speak Spanish. Did you know that?
Hermana Greer in my district has had a really rough week because her cousin passed away 2 days ago due to a drug overdose. 2 of her brothers are addicted to drugs so its even closer to home. Luckily no one (that I'm aware of) has tried to tell her not to cry or that everything is ok because mourning and grief are part of this. It's expected and healthy honestly that she grieves for him. She knows life goes on after this just as well as the rest of us, but that doesn't diminish or minimize pain. This is one of those things where there really isn't anything to say. You feel it.
I'm singing in our branch (about 40-50 missionaries) with an Elder from Mexico on Sunday! We're singing "Be Still My Soul." Hopefully it'll turn out well :)
I met someone going to a visitors center in Independance, Missouri yesterday! She seemed really nice. She's Spanish speaking too which makes us two of a kind because normally when people find out I'm Spanish speaking at a visitors center they get kind of puzzled since I'm not native. That's what I'm here for, folks. Confusion and bewilderment for all. Glad I can be of service.

We lost 2 of the Elders in our district this week because they are finishing their training at the MTC in the Dominican Republic. Therefore, our district is down to 10. Technically still a large district, but it feels so much smaller. I don't like losing people! Maybe if I just don't make any more friends it won't hurt when I lose them! Yes! That's it!
I hope everyone is having a jolly old time at home for the holidays! Till next week,

Hermana Ray
PS- Word on the street is David Archuleta enters the MTC this week on Wednesday. Yeeeaahhh let's see how this goes, shall we?
PPS- This is the driest winter Utah has ever had on record. I'm dyin here, ya'll. Dryin up.

Que un buen navidad

Merry Christmas!
We get some time to email today since it is the Mother of all Holidays and obviously no one calls home on Christmas here. A lot has happened, but I'm kind of still shell shocked to make much sense of it here.most of you know I like to process for a while before I say what anything.

But! Considering the circumstances, I will try.

First of all, today we had church with none other than David A. Bednar. Yes, folks. Elder Bednar. My district and I were lucky enough to not only land seats all together, but to be all of 7 rows away from the pulpit. The meeting was phenomenal. How blessed we are to have a living prophet and apostles on the earth to help lead and guide us! I was crying (yes, me) for most of the last hour. Elder Bednar basically talked about the character of Christ, and how when we get hurt or go through afflictions we look in and focus on ourselves, while Christ always looked out. In the midst of pain and hardship, he healed one of the soldiers who came to arrest him. He asked the Father to forgive the guards who "knew not" what they were doing. When in our lives do we really have cause to feel sorry for ourselves? When is it right to demand special treatment because of circumstance or entitlement? Never! In those times when we are most hurt, there will be other people to help. Only when we are so focused on the needs of others will we find peace and become more like our Savior. Elder Bednar told us a story of a woman he helped once while he was a stake president whose only child- a daughter- died in an accident. The other two girls in the accident were badly injured, and the woman was primarily concerned with alerting the other mothers and taking care of other people who would be affected. Was she heartbroken? Of course! And she had every right to be. Such a tragedy is unfathomable to me. But there are other people out there. Elder Bednar said that on the way to her daughter's funeral, the woman took dinner to a woman in the ward with a cold who had complained that no one had stopped in to check on her yet. The contrast between these two women astounds me, and as Elder Bednar put it, such a selfless and compassionate woman carries the countenance of the Savior.

I want to be more like that. Yes, things are always going wrong in life. All of us carry burden and pain and we just want someone to come to us and say, "Are you hurting? Let me drop everything and help you. My problems don't matter." But expecting and feeling entitled to that kind of coddling from other people is not the way to go! Would Christ ever have complained about being spat on or mocked or even not being taken seriously? The thought of Jesus having a pity party is almost comical it's so bizarre. I realize that I've subjected many to my own "depths of despair" (that one is for you, dad) and I apologize for that- it's frankly embarrassing. From now on I'm going to focus on others and getting over myself. I'm here (both on the mission and on Earth) to uplift and encourage others. I'll find myself along the way.

So! With all that said, I would like to make clear that so far this Christmas has been one of the most memorable ever. Last night we watched a Christmas Carol (not the Albert Finney version. A travesty!) And with 2100 missionaries all in the same room, it was the largest audience I think I'll ever be a part of for a movie. For some reason I was especially contemplative, and wrote down a bunch of ideas that I'd like to do with my future family for Christmas. To be straight up that made me miss Austin (and the Dressman clan) a whole lot, but last week someone told us that we shouldn't feel that missing people is so bad. We were even encouraged to just let that sentiment work its way through us sometimes. Missing someone is just being fully aware of how much you care for them and how much they care for you. So let it be written that there are a lot of people I miss. Not enough to deter or be intensely sad, but enough to feel love and loved.

Christmas is so beautiful! I hope everyone has had a marvelous one so far. I am blessed to be spending this Christmas learning ow to better spread the message of the Savior's birth! Remember the angels who spread the message of "good tidings of great joy" to the shepards? Just consider them missionaries, my friends. We're all doing the same thing: improving the lives of everyone who will listen with tidings of Christ and His atoning sacrifice.

Quickly before I go, I just want to thank the Dressmans, Kenneth Raines & Co, My own dear family, the Benders, and Maw-Maw and Paw-Paw. Thank you for putting presents under the tree I drew :) I really am so blessed that I am cared about so much. Love love love.

Also it occurred to me that some of you might want an idea of what to send if you are so inclined. Absolutely no pressure because I have everything I need here, but if you just feel like sending something, stickers, stamps, pictures, comics, real letters, and obviously any appropriate mission clothes/accessories are appreciated. ESPECIALLY pictures and letters. I have given a lot of my heart to many people in my life. If you're reading this, you're likely one of them. Hearing from you all and seeing pictures is worth more than gold. If you get a minute, it would make my day!

Once again, I love you all. Have the best Christmas yet, ok?
Until Thursday,
Hermana Ray

Yep, Yeah I don't even know...

Ok I wrote this on Sunday:

"For the last few weeks, I have felt very alone.

I've heard nothing from the majority of my friends, and very little from a few that have actually written.
Basically the only contact from home has been to ask for my laptop.
Before I left Provo my bishopric tried to extend me a calling (finally after 3 months), forgetting that I would be leaving the next day to serve a mission.
I heard nothing from Austin on or around my birthday.

On Christmas our teachers and leaders will be at home with families who love them while the missionaries at the MTC are scheduled for sack dinners on Christmas day

Here I am but 1 in 2500. I am just another black name tag, but lower. I am a junior companion- a girl in the corner in a district of 12.

I struggle with Spanish after years of study and always seem to be late to things.
I have no extraordinary talents, recognitions, abilities or characteristics. I am just like everyone else.

Have you ever felt like God himself has forgotten you? Almost as if you had great potential but turned out to be less than He expected you to? I believe in my God with everything in me and I know this gospel is true. I believe that Jesus Christ is our Savior and has provided a way to return to live with Him.
But if I just quit or never existed- would He notice? Would anyone? After some shuffled arrangements who would remember the girl in the corner?
Defeated, with nothing else to do, I turned to the book I had started recently- Jesus the Christ by James E Talmage- and the top of page 12 quotes John 16:27:
"For the Father himself loveth you, because ye have loved me, and have believed that I came out from God."

I sat staring at the top of the page for a minute or two, feeling a bit pierced. I decided to look up the original reference and the rest of the dialogue pretty much went like this:
"Jesus answered them, Do ye now believe? Behold, the hour cometh, yea is now come, that ye shall be scattered, every man to his own, and shall leave me alone: and yet I am not alone, because the Father is with me. These things I have spoken unto you that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer: I have overcome the world."

I know that I am small and of little importance in the grand scheme of things. I know that life goes on without me and I have little merit to warrant any kind of special attention. I also know that I am loved and numbered by my creator and that He will never forsake me. I may be weak and plain, but I am never forgotten."

 

 

Since Sunday, things have been a lot easier. Each week I've kind of found a theme- something to work on and think about during the week. This week has been "Be kind, love everyone." Sometimes I turn around and realize my thoughts are full of judgement or even downright hateful. I get jealous, scared, insecure...I don't want to be that person. I'm working really hard to be a better one. I'll let you know how it goes. Until then, I'd suggest everyone read 1 Corinthians 13. So good.

Things I've learned this week at the MTC:
-Hard boiled eggs are better with salt

-Hugs are even more desirable when they are unattainable

-Tights are evil

-I love Spanish and I speak pretty well

-All the best hymns haven't been translated into Spanish

-If you flip a cup over fast enough you can trap liquid inside

-If you spin a penny and stop it had with the bottom of a salt shaker you can play a really perfect trick

-Pictures are priceless

-Thou shalt not neglect thy journal

-People don't ask your name when you're wearing a nametag

 

Elder Ballif in our district is...one of the stars in our district sitcom so to speak. His conversations frequently go something like this:
"Hey whats that song that goes...Grandma got run over by a reindeer..."
"...It's called 'Grandma got run over by a reindeer'"

"No, that's not it."

Earlier this week we had the chance to listen to an old talk Elder Bednar gave and it was SO good. Made me relax a bit methinks. His main point was, as long as we are doing our best to be good people and working hard, all will work out in the end. In his words, "Be a good boy. Be a good girl. Honor your covenants. Keep the commandments. Do what you're supposed to, and you'll find yourself in the right place at the right time."

I don't have too much time left but I definitely want to thank everyone who has sent me anything this week! Bless you bless you bless you. I love you all.

I hope everyone is enjoying their breaks for the holiday! I just drew a christmas tree on a piece of paper and hung it on my closet and our little room is so much more cozy now! I did a good job, thank you. I love you and thank you so much for thinking of me and for your prayers. Have a great week!
Hermana Raines

Seasoned veteran

Hey. Hey guys- what do you pray for when you have a stomach ache?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The gift of tums.


HA HA thank you, MTC.
On a more serious note, this week has been quite the killer. I've learned A LOT about myself and just everything really. Learning is one of the most painful and rewarding things...ever. The biggest thing I came to realize was that I have been building walls around myself for years, specifically in the past year. I was listening to my companion pray after watching a speaker talk to us and I suddenly realized what I had been doing. It was like waking up inside a cacoon only to realize that everyone I know and love had been trapped outside along with the people who have hurt me. It's been a somewhat effective strategy, but it's also made it harder and harder for me to be touched and to touch others. I assume that those of you who have known me, especially in the past year, have noticed me doing that. To all of you, I'm sorry. I never meant to keep everyone out of my life. It's just been kind of a painful journey. As my Branch President put it, I'm carrying a heavy plow.
Entonces, I've been thinking a lot about opposition. Shutting myself of from emotion has effectively prevented me from feeling too much anger and pain about a lot of things, but it has also prevented me from experiencing as much joy. For the good of myself, all those around me and those who I'll meet, It's time to start opening back up. This particular part feels like standing in front of a dam about to be demolished, so I'm pretty scared. But ultimately I know that it's better. I'll always still be me, but hopefully we'll be seeing some big changes by the time I get home. Hopefully I'll break out of whatever it is I've built.
My companion and I are past the honeymoon stage. Ha. Yeah. We are very different people in just about every way imaginable. I'm still happy that she's my companion because we both have so much to learn from each other and offer towards the companionship, but it has definitely become a struggle. (Let me know if you guys would rather roses and butterflies rather than truthiness). Hermana Pyle is very quiet, has a habit of walking behind me whenever we go places (CALVIN!), and has trouble cutting down on meal sizes where I have trouble getting myself to eat enough. If we can really get to it and work hard to be understanding, patient, kind and loving, I'm pretty dang positive that we'll both end up a lot stronger. I'm realizing that there is no one on this Earth who doesn't have something to teach me. What a humbling thing THAT is to realize.
Ok another note! Our district is THE BEST. Seriously I love them all. There are 12 of us, all in intermediate Spanish, all going different places all over the world. There are 4 girls and the rest are Elders. We all seem to connect to music really well, have very different but really great senses of humor, and all take the opportunity to be here seriously. I'm so grateful that all of the missionaries in my district are so wonderful! There have been a few in other districts who have...less than impressed me. Yikes.
As for our teaching practice, Hermana Pyle is still having trouble speaking when we teach, but my Spanish is getting better and we're setting goals for her to improve. This place pretty much begs for improvement. If you come out of the MTC the same humdrum person you were before, you were asleep.
One last thing I've been thinking about a lot: I am not a missionary to convince anyone. I'm not selling Christianity. I'm here because the Gospel of the Church of Jesus Christ has blessed my life immensely and I feel an obligation to take it to whoever would appreciate it. We are not forcing anything on anyone or trying to prove anything. I just know my Savior lives, and I'll do anything to bring the joy that comes with that understanding to anyone I can. What a happy thing to be doing for a solid year and a half! The best part is our lives are full of sharing that message- it's just not as concentrated.

Ok quick notes:
-Really stellar stickers are appreciated. I like putting them on letters :)
-I have been playing volleyball and/or running every day and it has been SO GOOD.
-I would appreciate someone sending the lyrics to "The Resistance" by Josh Garrels to me! I forgot to write them down and they are so good.
-Calvin gave me the wrong email address...so I need someone to send it to me. Buh.
-I seriously have no time on the computer so I won't be emailing individuals...please write letters. I'm printing stuff out, but I don't have everyone's address.

Ok that's all for this week...I hope everyone has been doing well! Till next Thursday!
Love,
Hermana Raines

PS. I had a joke to tell you about a piece of pizza but it was too cheesy

First letter as a missionary!

THIS is why I'm here:
http://lds.org/media-library/video/mormon-messages?lang=eng&id=2009-10-38-lifting-burdens#2009-10-38-lifting-burdens

Hello! Just to go ahead and get this in there...I love the MTC! Seriously it's been so great so far. It is most definitely intense- everything we learn will be crucial to the work we do in the field and the rest of our lives as opposed to half of what I learn at college :) (hardy har har but really) and whenever you care a lot about what you're doing it can be more stressful in the best way possible. We have a packed schedule as you probably already know from 6am to 10:30pm which has made me realize how much time I normally waste on the computer and other random things. Also it appears that my cell phone was too much a part of me because I seem to be experiencing something like phantom limb syndome. It's embarrassing, but sporatically I reach for my phone. What phone? And who would be texting me? About what?? Yeesh.

Ok so my companion here is Hermana (Sister) Pyle. She is from Salt Lake City and she will be serving in Albequerque, New Mexico after her training here. She is Spanish speaking as well. All of the missionaries in my branch are Spanish speaking. Also, they are great! Ah I keep getting off track. Hermana Pyle is extremely sweet. She has been having some trouble with the language so far which has caused her some grief (we are in the intermediate group, so it's a lot faster pace than beginner) but we're making baby step goals and I'm sure we'll see progress as we continue to work hard. It's really nice to have someone to pick up the slack when your brain goes AWOL and also someone to teach me through example the things that I need to work on.

Now for the stories I think. First story takes place before I entered the MTC! I flew in, and Randi, McKenna and Calvin were kind enough to fetch me from the airport. We were playing tetris with my suitcases in the trunk of Randi's car, won the game, shut the trunk...only to realize that the keys were part of the tetris game. Yes, friends. We were stuck in Salt Lake before my entry time. It is already more funny than distressing. The no-good police guys at the airport "weren't allowed" to open the trunk for us and it ended up taking us between an hour and a half to two hours to get someone there! When he did get there and helped us out no problem McKenna asked him if people told him that he is awesome a lot. He just said, "Yep." Ha! Well thanks, dude. In the end, it all ended up just dandy. I entered late after eating something substantial, and everything has been normal since then. More or less.

My first night we had an activity teaching this one guy (just a simulation) with basically a missionary gang (there were like 30 of us! 30 on 1: Not fair!) and I came to a very painful realization. This is where this email gets real. I consider myself a fairly intellectual, observant person. I've experienced a lot for someone my age. I realized during this activity that somewhere along the way I had aquired this idea that my understanding of the gospel could effectively teach anyone. I was wrong, dears! So incredibly wrong. I'm glad I learned that within ours of being at the MTC. I've learned that the Spirit is what touches hearts. All of the knowledge in the world cannot create conviction, and conviction is where conversion comes from. Every religion and every group against a given religion has logic that makes sense. Logic will get us nowhere, and that is why faith can be such an ellusive concept, especially for people who have become accustomed to letting their brain guide them. I am embarrassed that I've been so prideful in my explanations of my faith. Pure articulation means nothing. This gospel is one of simplicity and truth. Now that I've kind of been pushed down by this realization, it's a beautiful thing as I grow in understanding.

A few other quick things:
-I am actually going to be here until the beginning of February. The intermediate program is 9 weeks, and I'll have an extra week for visitor's center training. So...yeah.
-Thanks to Keenan and Steph for your letters! They were so nice to get :) I'll be writing back today!
-One of my teachers offered for me to move up to the advanced class in Spanish which is natives/fluent people! Yeeuh! But I declined because I would prefer to feel more confident before I do this for real. Plus Hermana Pyle and I need each other. Of this, I am sure. There is a lot of growth to be...grown. Uh.
-Umm why does everyone talk about gaining weight in the MTC? The food here is not great, guys.
-Sorry this isn't very long: I only get 30 minutes to email a day. Post letters are preferred until then and once I'm in NY I'll have more time to email. I have much more time to write actual letters though!
-My normal P-day is on Thursday, this is just a short one because they felt sorry for us for having to miss ours this past Thursday.

Welp that's all the time we've got for this week, folks. Join us next week, different time, same place. (Unless you're on a laptop. Then you can move.)
Que tengan un buen dia!
Hermana Raines