Ok I wrote this on Sunday:
"For the last few weeks, I have felt very alone.
I've heard nothing from the majority of my friends, and very little from a few that have actually written.
Basically the only contact from home has been to ask for my laptop.
Before I left Provo my bishopric tried to extend me a calling (finally after 3 months), forgetting that I would be leaving the next day to serve a mission.
I heard nothing from Austin on or around my birthday.
"For the last few weeks, I have felt very alone.
I've heard nothing from the majority of my friends, and very little from a few that have actually written.
Basically the only contact from home has been to ask for my laptop.
Before I left Provo my bishopric tried to extend me a calling (finally after 3 months), forgetting that I would be leaving the next day to serve a mission.
I heard nothing from Austin on or around my birthday.
On Christmas our teachers and leaders will be at home with families who love them while the missionaries at the MTC are scheduled for sack dinners on Christmas day
Here I am but 1 in 2500. I am just another black name tag, but lower. I am a junior companion- a girl in the corner in a district of 12.
I struggle with Spanish after years of study and always seem to be late to things.
I have no extraordinary talents, recognitions, abilities or characteristics. I am just like everyone else.
Have you ever felt like God himself has forgotten you? Almost as if you had great potential but turned out to be less than He expected you to? I believe in my God with everything in me and I know this gospel is true. I believe that Jesus Christ is our Savior and has provided a way to return to live with Him.
But if I just quit or never existed- would He notice? Would anyone? After some shuffled arrangements who would remember the girl in the corner?
Defeated, with nothing else to do, I turned to the book I had started recently- Jesus the Christ by James E Talmage- and the top of page 12 quotes John 16:27:
"For the Father himself loveth you, because ye have loved me, and have believed that I came out from God."
I sat staring at the top of the page for a minute or two, feeling a bit pierced. I decided to look up the original reference and the rest of the dialogue pretty much went like this:
"Jesus answered them, Do ye now believe? Behold, the hour cometh, yea is now come, that ye shall be scattered, every man to his own, and shall leave me alone: and yet I am not alone, because the Father is with me. These things I have spoken unto you that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer: I have overcome the world."
I know that I am small and of little importance in the grand scheme of things. I know that life goes on without me and I have little merit to warrant any kind of special attention. I also know that I am loved and numbered by my creator and that He will never forsake me. I may be weak and plain, but I am never forgotten."
I have no extraordinary talents, recognitions, abilities or characteristics. I am just like everyone else.
Have you ever felt like God himself has forgotten you? Almost as if you had great potential but turned out to be less than He expected you to? I believe in my God with everything in me and I know this gospel is true. I believe that Jesus Christ is our Savior and has provided a way to return to live with Him.
But if I just quit or never existed- would He notice? Would anyone? After some shuffled arrangements who would remember the girl in the corner?
Defeated, with nothing else to do, I turned to the book I had started recently- Jesus the Christ by James E Talmage- and the top of page 12 quotes John 16:27:
"For the Father himself loveth you, because ye have loved me, and have believed that I came out from God."
I sat staring at the top of the page for a minute or two, feeling a bit pierced. I decided to look up the original reference and the rest of the dialogue pretty much went like this:
"Jesus answered them, Do ye now believe? Behold, the hour cometh, yea is now come, that ye shall be scattered, every man to his own, and shall leave me alone: and yet I am not alone, because the Father is with me. These things I have spoken unto you that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer: I have overcome the world."
I know that I am small and of little importance in the grand scheme of things. I know that life goes on without me and I have little merit to warrant any kind of special attention. I also know that I am loved and numbered by my creator and that He will never forsake me. I may be weak and plain, but I am never forgotten."
Since Sunday, things have been a lot easier. Each week I've kind of found a theme- something to work on and think about during the week. This week has been "Be kind, love everyone." Sometimes I turn around and realize my thoughts are full of judgement or even downright hateful. I get jealous, scared, insecure...I don't want to be that person. I'm working really hard to be a better one. I'll let you know how it goes. Until then, I'd suggest everyone read 1 Corinthians 13. So good.
Things I've learned this week at the MTC:
-Hard boiled eggs are better with salt
Things I've learned this week at the MTC:
-Hard boiled eggs are better with salt
-Hugs are even more desirable when they are unattainable
-Tights are evil
-I love Spanish and I speak pretty well
-All the best hymns haven't been translated into Spanish
-If you flip a cup over fast enough you can trap liquid inside
-If you spin a penny and stop it had with the bottom of a salt shaker you can play a really perfect trick
-Pictures are priceless
-Thou shalt not neglect thy journal
-People don't ask your name when you're wearing a nametag
Elder Ballif in our district is...one of the stars in our district sitcom so to speak. His conversations frequently go something like this:
"Hey whats that song that goes...Grandma got run over by a reindeer..."
"...It's called 'Grandma got run over by a reindeer'"
"Hey whats that song that goes...Grandma got run over by a reindeer..."
"...It's called 'Grandma got run over by a reindeer'"
"No, that's not it."
Earlier this week we had the chance to listen to an old talk Elder Bednar gave and it was SO good. Made me relax a bit methinks. His main point was, as long as we are doing our best to be good people and working hard, all will work out in the end. In his words, "Be a good boy. Be a good girl. Honor your covenants. Keep the commandments. Do what you're supposed to, and you'll find yourself in the right place at the right time."
Earlier this week we had the chance to listen to an old talk Elder Bednar gave and it was SO good. Made me relax a bit methinks. His main point was, as long as we are doing our best to be good people and working hard, all will work out in the end. In his words, "Be a good boy. Be a good girl. Honor your covenants. Keep the commandments. Do what you're supposed to, and you'll find yourself in the right place at the right time."
I don't have too much time left but I definitely want to thank everyone who has sent me anything this week! Bless you bless you bless you. I love you all.
I hope everyone is enjoying their breaks for the holiday! I just drew a christmas tree on a piece of paper and hung it on my closet and our little room is so much more cozy now! I did a good job, thank you. I love you and thank you so much for thinking of me and for your prayers. Have a great week!
Hermana Raines
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