Hey. Hey guys- what do you pray for when you have a stomach ache?
The gift of tums.
HA HA thank you, MTC.
On a more serious note, this week has been quite the killer. I've learned A LOT about myself and just everything really. Learning is one of the most painful and rewarding things...ever. The biggest thing I came to realize was that I have been building walls around myself for years, specifically in the past year. I was listening to my companion pray after watching a speaker talk to us and I suddenly realized what I had been doing. It was like waking up inside a cacoon only to realize that everyone I know and love had been trapped outside along with the people who have hurt me. It's been a somewhat effective strategy, but it's also made it harder and harder for me to be touched and to touch others. I assume that those of you who have known me, especially in the past year, have noticed me doing that. To all of you, I'm sorry. I never meant to keep everyone out of my life. It's just been kind of a painful journey. As my Branch President put it, I'm carrying a heavy plow.
Entonces, I've been thinking a lot about opposition. Shutting myself of from emotion has effectively prevented me from feeling too much anger and pain about a lot of things, but it has also prevented me from experiencing as much joy. For the good of myself, all those around me and those who I'll meet, It's time to start opening back up. This particular part feels like standing in front of a dam about to be demolished, so I'm pretty scared. But ultimately I know that it's better. I'll always still be me, but hopefully we'll be seeing some big changes by the time I get home. Hopefully I'll break out of whatever it is I've built.
My companion and I are past the honeymoon stage. Ha. Yeah. We are very different people in just about every way imaginable. I'm still happy that she's my companion because we both have so much to learn from each other and offer towards the companionship, but it has definitely become a struggle. (Let me know if you guys would rather roses and butterflies rather than truthiness). Hermana Pyle is very quiet, has a habit of walking behind me whenever we go places (CALVIN!), and has trouble cutting down on meal sizes where I have trouble getting myself to eat enough. If we can really get to it and work hard to be understanding, patient, kind and loving, I'm pretty dang positive that we'll both end up a lot stronger. I'm realizing that there is no one on this Earth who doesn't have something to teach me. What a humbling thing THAT is to realize.
Ok another note! Our district is THE BEST. Seriously I love them all. There are 12 of us, all in intermediate Spanish, all going different places all over the world. There are 4 girls and the rest are Elders. We all seem to connect to music really well, have very different but really great senses of humor, and all take the opportunity to be here seriously. I'm so grateful that all of the missionaries in my district are so wonderful! There have been a few in other districts who have...less than impressed me. Yikes.
As for our teaching practice, Hermana Pyle is still having trouble speaking when we teach, but my Spanish is getting better and we're setting goals for her to improve. This place pretty much begs for improvement. If you come out of the MTC the same humdrum person you were before, you were asleep.
One last thing I've been thinking about a lot: I am not a missionary to convince anyone. I'm not selling Christianity. I'm here because the Gospel of the Church of Jesus Christ has blessed my life immensely and I feel an obligation to take it to whoever would appreciate it. We are not forcing anything on anyone or trying to prove anything. I just know my Savior lives, and I'll do anything to bring the joy that comes with that understanding to anyone I can. What a happy thing to be doing for a solid year and a half! The best part is our lives are full of sharing that message- it's just not as concentrated.
Ok quick notes:
-Really stellar stickers are appreciated. I like putting them on letters :)
-I have been playing volleyball and/or running every day and it has been SO GOOD.
-I would appreciate someone sending the lyrics to "The Resistance" by Josh Garrels to me! I forgot to write them down and they are so good.
-Calvin gave me the wrong email address...so I need someone to send it to me. Buh.
-I seriously have no time on the computer so I won't be emailing individuals...please write letters. I'm printing stuff out, but I don't have everyone's address.
Ok that's all for this week...I hope everyone has been doing well! Till next Thursday!
Love,
Hermana Raines
PS. I had a joke to tell you about a piece of pizza but it was too cheesy
HA HA thank you, MTC.
On a more serious note, this week has been quite the killer. I've learned A LOT about myself and just everything really. Learning is one of the most painful and rewarding things...ever. The biggest thing I came to realize was that I have been building walls around myself for years, specifically in the past year. I was listening to my companion pray after watching a speaker talk to us and I suddenly realized what I had been doing. It was like waking up inside a cacoon only to realize that everyone I know and love had been trapped outside along with the people who have hurt me. It's been a somewhat effective strategy, but it's also made it harder and harder for me to be touched and to touch others. I assume that those of you who have known me, especially in the past year, have noticed me doing that. To all of you, I'm sorry. I never meant to keep everyone out of my life. It's just been kind of a painful journey. As my Branch President put it, I'm carrying a heavy plow.
Entonces, I've been thinking a lot about opposition. Shutting myself of from emotion has effectively prevented me from feeling too much anger and pain about a lot of things, but it has also prevented me from experiencing as much joy. For the good of myself, all those around me and those who I'll meet, It's time to start opening back up. This particular part feels like standing in front of a dam about to be demolished, so I'm pretty scared. But ultimately I know that it's better. I'll always still be me, but hopefully we'll be seeing some big changes by the time I get home. Hopefully I'll break out of whatever it is I've built.
My companion and I are past the honeymoon stage. Ha. Yeah. We are very different people in just about every way imaginable. I'm still happy that she's my companion because we both have so much to learn from each other and offer towards the companionship, but it has definitely become a struggle. (Let me know if you guys would rather roses and butterflies rather than truthiness). Hermana Pyle is very quiet, has a habit of walking behind me whenever we go places (CALVIN!), and has trouble cutting down on meal sizes where I have trouble getting myself to eat enough. If we can really get to it and work hard to be understanding, patient, kind and loving, I'm pretty dang positive that we'll both end up a lot stronger. I'm realizing that there is no one on this Earth who doesn't have something to teach me. What a humbling thing THAT is to realize.
Ok another note! Our district is THE BEST. Seriously I love them all. There are 12 of us, all in intermediate Spanish, all going different places all over the world. There are 4 girls and the rest are Elders. We all seem to connect to music really well, have very different but really great senses of humor, and all take the opportunity to be here seriously. I'm so grateful that all of the missionaries in my district are so wonderful! There have been a few in other districts who have...less than impressed me. Yikes.
As for our teaching practice, Hermana Pyle is still having trouble speaking when we teach, but my Spanish is getting better and we're setting goals for her to improve. This place pretty much begs for improvement. If you come out of the MTC the same humdrum person you were before, you were asleep.
One last thing I've been thinking about a lot: I am not a missionary to convince anyone. I'm not selling Christianity. I'm here because the Gospel of the Church of Jesus Christ has blessed my life immensely and I feel an obligation to take it to whoever would appreciate it. We are not forcing anything on anyone or trying to prove anything. I just know my Savior lives, and I'll do anything to bring the joy that comes with that understanding to anyone I can. What a happy thing to be doing for a solid year and a half! The best part is our lives are full of sharing that message- it's just not as concentrated.
Ok quick notes:
-Really stellar stickers are appreciated. I like putting them on letters :)
-I have been playing volleyball and/or running every day and it has been SO GOOD.
-I would appreciate someone sending the lyrics to "The Resistance" by Josh Garrels to me! I forgot to write them down and they are so good.
-Calvin gave me the wrong email address...so I need someone to send it to me. Buh.
-I seriously have no time on the computer so I won't be emailing individuals...please write letters. I'm printing stuff out, but I don't have everyone's address.
Ok that's all for this week...I hope everyone has been doing well! Till next Thursday!
Love,
Hermana Raines
PS. I had a joke to tell you about a piece of pizza but it was too cheesy
Glad you're stilling blogging on the mish! And I really admire your objectives as a missionary, very refreshing. God speed!
ReplyDelete"stilling?" #typingfail
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