Thou art a boat-rocker

A lot has happened...but I'm not sure how I'm gonna go about explaining all of it! I feel like so much of what happens in my life is one of those "you had to be there..." things. So why aren't you all here? Yeesh.

In so many ways this week could have been killer. I think I've mentioned Jenn and Van- people we've worked with online. I feel foolish even telling you all, but it turned out to be a joke? We think. They both just kind of disappeared off the face of the earth after a month of calling and asking questions and things. It's hard to elaborate on that because so much happened. I was a little worried about Sister Szuch at first because I was kind of skeptical the whole time (I'm really just a pessimistic person, though) and she never suspected that anything could be wrong. Plus, she's still kind of new, and dealing with bad intentions can be heart breaking when you've never really encountered it before. We've talked a lot about the balance between being wise and giving people a chance. That's not something you have to think about if you've never lived around a liar or you've never been betrayed. Once it happens, the challenge becomes to keep from hardening and trusting again somehow. A perfect example of this (as in everything) is the life of Christ. We know he was betrayed by Judas, but just as frustrating might have been finding his apostles back at their nets after His resurrection. Those who walked with Him and were called to serve alongside and in His place after His departure weren't getting it! If they didn't understand, who could Christ count on? Ultimately He couldn't count on anyone- all of us are unreliable and imperfect a majority of the time. And still He takes a chance on us. Consider the risk the Lord takes every time we are given a second chance. I can't count how many second chances I've given. In circumstances of various addictions, how many times does an addict say "Ok I'm really done this time"? How many times have we said something ugly or shirked responsibility or thought only of ourselves even when we said we would be better? Christ always expected the best, and each new time He trusts that this time will do it. It's that hope in others and hope in self that eventually leads to lasting change. I don't want to be an idiot, but I don't want to be the one who hardens and doesn't expect anyone to come through for me when I am relying on others to still hope in me when I fall. This may be one of the great lessons of my life- I expect to continue learning it on a deeper level. I'm grateful for this chance I've had to really consider where I stand. I'm grateful for chances to change.

David (the guys with the lost keys) also ended up cancelling on us because religion "just isn't important enough," but we were blessed to be able to get in at the right time to see a few families who have been struggling. Things are looking up! One of my favorite families in the ward set in more heavy with a smoking problem because at the beginning of last week the dad lost his job. It was such a beautiful thing to be able to go in and bring light and hope to that family! We read and prayed with them, but mostly listened to their fears and frustrations. Ultimately we all came to the conclusion that this was what they really needed. Larry wasn't even happy at that job, and although it will be a struggle for him to find another one, he is learning to let go and allow God to lead him to a better place and to be a better man. That's a scary thing to do! I don't think anyone can pretend that it isn't! In Provo there is a place where there's a decent size rock wall overshadowing a foam pit. You're not strapped in to anything because you're only falling on foam, but letting go of that wall is actually kind of terrifying if you think too much! You have to fight your instincts telling you you can't just free fall, and right before you hit the ground your stomach tells you you're going to die. EVERY TIME. I've thought about letting go of that rock wall a lot recently. In so many ways, trusting God- an unseen power- is like fighting your instincts.

"For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father." Mosiah 3:19

Do you see how dangerous the thought process of hardening and fighting can be? God has a much bigger plan than we do. If we will search His will and then allow Him to carry it out, we will end up much happier than we would have been otherwise. Quit trying to force everything! Sister Szuch and I have had a few companionship mantras, one of which is "Thing big. Then think bigger." As we come to see the larger plan the Lord has in store, we can let go and trust in good things to come.

The sites have been pretty busy, which is nice! I really love having the privilege of giving tours at these sacred places. I really hope one day all of you will have the opportunity to come through for yourselves. It seems like I'm always gathering plans for Austin and I to visit before too long. Western New York has really come to mean so much to me.

Welp I think that's all I'm going to be able to adequately explain ha. So till next week! Stay warm, everyone.
Sister Raines