Monday, December 17, 2012

Filters and feeble minds

This week I learned a lot about how important it is to see things as they really are.

"Behold, my brethren, he that prophesieth, let him prophesy to the understanding of men; for the Spirit speaketh the truth and lieth not. Wherefore, it speaketh of things as they really are, and of things as they really will be; wherefore, these things are manifested unto us plainly, for the salvation of our souls." (Jacob 4:13)
 
The Spirit testifies of truth- things as they REALLY ARE and really will be. That is so important! Off and on I've had a theme of mental instibility and the idea of a sound mind. I had a chance to talk with President Christianson this week about some of the struggles that have presented themselves over the last 2 months. As I talked with him, I realized how altered my perception of reality had become. In Buffalo I learned to be confident in myself and my ability to perform the tasks I was asked to do with God's help. I felt valued, needed, and healthy. I grew even more in Brockport, and although I was aware of weaknesses, my understanding and gratitude for Christ's sacrifice and power was growing as well. I knew I was far from perfect, but I knew I had infinite worth in the eyes of God.There is some serious power in that understanding- knowledge of who we are to God moves us to want to be better and gives us the sense of stability and value which we so desperately need. It comes as no surprise then that those without this understanding search frantically for anything else that might give them a sense of place. It might take the form of merit in academics, career, financial assets, trite compliments, or even self medication to dull the pain of the void.
These past few months I realized how easy it is to get off base. Embarrassing as it is, I lost sight of who I am for a little while. I was hurt, and I retreated from what I knew. I turned away from those around me. How quickly ideas grow! I imagined myself to be of little worth, and stopped trusting and confiding in so many, beginning with my companion and mission president. I've struggled to keep in contact with just about anyone from home- even my letters to Austin have struggled. Even more devastating though, my prayers have struggled. How often do we find solace in the company of strangers when we question our self worth? How often do we think we'll be happier with people who don't know how small we really are instead of trusting those who can hurt us? God included?
I am working on making a better effort to come to people instead of run, starting with my Father in Heaven. For today, I am trusting that I matter to Him.

"Yea, verily I say unto you, if ye will come unto me ye shall have eternal life. Behold, mine arm of mercy is extended towards you, and whosoever will come, him will I receive; and blessed are those who come unto me." (3 Nephi 9:14)

Today there is a huge Christmas activity at the Visitors Center, so all the Sisters are in Palmyra for the day. Should be fun :) The two that are in Brockport are staying at our apartment for a few days and it's been really great so far! I'm am blessed to know such great people. I wrote a Christmas song over the last couple weeks, too, and I'll be performing that so I hope it goes well!

Till next week! Love,
Sister Raines

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