Different

Recently I've been thinking about how much I've changed in the last few years. I don't keep in touch with more than a handful of people from my mission and prior because I'm embarrassed of who they knew.

I used to be bitter and broken. I thought a lot about how other people saw me and it mattered more than just about anything else. I cared if other people thought I was trendy or pretty or interesting. It didn't make me happy- it was just an obsession. I poured over magazines and studied people I knew trying to figure out what the secret was to being good enough. Sometimes as I searched I seemed to make progress, but more often I was left further awakened to my lacking.

Food was my enemy. I was terrified of eating in front of anyone, or even being seen carrying food. In high school if there was a line in the cafeteria, I didn't eat for fear of anyone noticing that I was waiting to receive it. I preferred junk food- pizza, mac and cheese, french fries- but only ate sparingly since I saw myself as an inevitability inflating balloon. I panicked when I couldn't see my ribs and would lose my appetite for a few days.

I was angry about a lot of things. People who were happy made me angrier still because I couldn't understand them. I concluded that they must be missing something or they would be angry, too. If they experienced the same things I had they would be different. My language consistently dripped with passive aggression so much so that if I wasn't paying attention, I myself assumed I was being sincere.

Thanks to dozens of people I've met over the last few years and the care of my closest family, I've felt myself healing. I've stopped wearing make-up altogether, and I'm more confident than ever. I've discovered a love for cooking and baking from scratch: eating a variety of healthy, good food and never counting calories. My passive aggressive nature dissolved into a very direct style, which is often misunderstood as harsh or cold in my beloved state of Texas. However, what used to be veiled bitterness is now kinder honesty. I am happy instead of hurt in the company of success. I genuinely want the best for those that are struggling. I am honest with myself about my shortcomings and strengths. I am at peace.

I don't connect with who I used to be, I only mourn the mistakes. I am grateful for all those kind, patient people who have helped open my eyes over the last few years. I am simultaneously of infinite worth and endlessly flawed, yet progressing. I am needed and need others. I am loved and love others. So many broken people think giving and receiving love is contingent on deserving it, and I don't think that's true.

I am grateful for this new, beautiful life of mine. 

I have hope in renewal. 

I have faith in tomorrow.

An Epiphany

Motherhood and marriage, in my limited experience, are more about sacrifice than they are about baby giggles and diamond rings. That may seem obvious when it's stated so plainly, but our life experiences have been marketed to us for so long that it can be easy to forget the purpose and devalue the struggle. Our reactions through the toil, not ease or glamour, create the identity we seek.

In anticipation of becoming a parent, people, myself included, dream of things from sweet baby smiles to playing catch on the lawn and teaching them how to ride a bike. We see changing diapers and crying fits at 3 in the morning as necessary byproducts, but most often seem to decide that those byproducts will be worth it. Similarly, engaged couples look forward to marriage, seeing a white dress or as far ahead as sitting in matching rocking chairs during retirement. Budgeting and chores are byproducts, but worth it.

I'm guilty of thinking this way, but I'm starting to believe I've been missing the point. I may have donned the title of "wife" after a legal ceremony, but it became my identity somewhere between cleaning the bathroom mirror and talking till 4 in the morning because going to bed angry wasn't an option. I might have been described as a mom on the day my son was born and I held him for the first time, but it started shaping my heart when I wasn't looking- when I was focused on giving him all I had and I didn't know if there was anything left.

We get so frustrated when hard times come around, thinking they are proof of our failure, but anyone can handle the sweet and picturesque times! It's our reactions to being tired, anxious, angry, hungry, and hurt that decide who we become.

"Beloved, think it not strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened unto you: But rejoice, inasmuch as ye are partakers of Christ’s sufferings; that, when his glory shall be revealed, ye may be glad also with exceeding joy."

1 Peter 4:12-13

Shots and Cuddles

My sweet one is 2 months old! He weighs 12 lbs 11 oz and is 23 inches long. He's in the 48th percentile for height and 60th for weight. Meanwhile his head is in the 94th percentile! Haha he is definitely a Dressman. He had to have three immunization shots today which he wasn't very fond of, but I'm glad they are over. Little Oliver gives us more smiles every day, even though he has had many long and colicky hours, too. I'm grateful do be able to stay home with him and try and get through those hours together. 

Midwives

It's been a little while since I've written anything here for a few reasons. The main one is that much of our daily life recently has been dealing with little struggles, and I'm not a big fan of putting my complaints out for all the world to see, especially since there is nothing majorly wrong. Oliver has been screaming and crying often, for what seems to us as no reason. He appears to be coming out of it now and I am learning little tricks to help him. I love seeing his happy smiling face! All the hard moments melt away.

Personally, I have not healed from labor! I guess my expectations were wrong, but I kept looking forward to the 6 week mark to stop feeling pain, etc., but my tear hasn't healed and my body still aches everywhere. I have definitely seen some improvement over the last 9 weeks, but I have no inclination as to when this pain will actually go away. Thankfully my carpel tunnel has cleared up at least!

This last part brings me to a decision I've made about future medical care:

I really never want to visit a doctor again.

Nothing personal to any doctor and nurse friends, but working with a midwife during the pregnancy has spoiled me! Midwives are focused on the holistic view of health since their goal is as few interventions as possible. Every appointment with my midwife was relaxed, and she always looked at the bigger picture of my life to catch possible future issues. For example, Krissy knew each enough that when things at my job at the high school took a turn towards Hell, we talked about it and it appeared in my medical file to explain a slight rise in blood pressure, even though my blood pressure was still healthy. I went to the local OBGYN since we moved, and the entire system is so different. I will be starting up with a different midwife next time I go, that's for sure!

Anyways enough whining from me- cheers for living and learning from your experiences.

Ant Man!

Oliver Isa passed his month milestone on Friday! Today I brought myself to put away all his newborn clothes because getting them on has become a struggle. I love watching him grow but it's hard knowing my little baby is disappearing so quickly.

Oliver is a great eater and sleeper so far. We've actually had to watch out for anyone wearing short sleeves who holds him when he's hungry because he will latch onto their arm! He loves when his dad holds him while bouncing on our exercise ball, laying on his changing pad, and staring at people. He sleeps with his arms outstretched on either side and hates if we swaddle them.

We were lucky enough to have Austin's parents with us for a few days this weekend, and have been continually reminded of how blessed we have been to be surrounded by generous and loving friends and family. Being a family of three has been a dream so far, and that is largely because of the support we have been given so much of. Is there any happier family in the world?

Well Read

Nursing so often has given me a lot of time to read! I have loved it. I go through about a book a week, so I'm going to start posting some of my favorite quotes as I finish books. Today I finished Brave New World by Aldous Huxley.

"In fact," said Mustapha Mond, "you're claiming the right to be unhappy."

"All right then," said the Savage defiantly, "I'm claiming the right to be unhappy."

"Not to mention the right to grow old and ugly and impotent; the right to have syphilis and cancer; the right to have too little to eat; the right to be lousy; the right to live in constant apprehension of what may happen tomorrow; the right to catch typhoid; the right to be tortured by unspeakable pains of every kind." There was a long silence.

"I claim them all," said the Savage at last.

"You're welcome," he said.

Of Closing Eyes And Resting Head

This guy slept through the night last night!

We've been working to switch his schedule to being up during the day, and it was been heading that way but slowly. Then last night we put him down at 9, he was up from 2:30-3 to nurse, and then didn't get up again until 5:30! I call that a major success! Obviously growth spurts and things will likely send this on its head before too long but for now I will take it with open arms! Hopefully tonight I will be able to enjoy it instead of hovering over him wondering if something is wrong! :)

On a more personal note, last night I had a mini break down because I realized how much I have missed my husband over the last three weeks since Oliver was born. That seems odd since Austin took a week off of work AND was allowed to work from home for two weeks. This week is actually the first week he's gone back to the office. However, we have had a lot of company helping us with the baby, and our focus has been entirely on him. I am so grateful for this little boy, but I really love time to focus on my husband. I realize now I'm grateful to have that kind of problem, since I know a lot of relationships struggle after a baby is born. As for me, I have never been more in love with my other half. He's been so supportive and sweet through everything, and each moment with him is a gift.

This is me not caring about being sappy. End scene.

Two Weeks

Oliver is two weeks old! He weighs a whopping 7 lbs 8 oz, which is significant coming from his birth weight of 6 lbs 11 oz. It has been so fun to watch him start to fill out and get more acquainted with his budding personality.

The primary purpose of this post is to update everyone with some of our favorite pictures from the last two weeks! I sure do love this little face. We are doing really well.

Little bear on the way home from the birth center

With daddy

Late nights with this guy

The pediatrician gave us the go ahead to introduce a pacifier even though I'm breastfeeding since he has been gaining weight so well. He clutches 

One of Oliver's signature faces

Austin has been adjusting to the new sleep schedule like a champ :)

Oliver

Flashbacks of my labor and delivery have haunted me this week as I've had the privilege to hold my healthy baby boy. The details are surreal and painful to recall, but I would be foolish to abstain from recording them, as to me the details are unmistakable evidence of a higher power, as well as the reality and viability of a woman's natural instinct.

Beginning

On Monday night I remember texting my dad telling him that as the due date was passing with no baby it felt like everyone forgetting your birthday. I hadn't had any real contractions, and Austin and I were getting ready for bed, mentally preparing to wait a week or more for this baby to arrive. Suddenly around 11pm, my first contraction began and it was strong. At the time, I was unaware that delivery would take place within the next three hours.

There are three emotional signposts of labor:

1. Excitement as the realization sets in that your baby is coming!

2. Seriousness as you buckle down to work

3. Self-doubt. Is this really something your body can handle? This signpost should indicate to anyone helping the mother that the end of labor is near.

Looking back, it is obvious that I completely skipped the first emotional signpost, and half of the second. My contractions started at 5 minutes apart.

Austin and I worked through 8 or 9 contractions at first, breathing and trying to relax through them, still unsure if this was really happening. It seemed too fast! We called the midwife and alerted her, and then Austin helped me take a shower and get ready to go. We were supposed to leave when contractions were 4 minutes apart, a minute long, and had been that way for an hour.

When I got out of the shower, my contractions skipped to 3 minutes apart. After a few minutes, I hit what is known as "transition," threw up, and suddenly found myself in the third emotional signpost. We realized we really should have already been on the road, and I worked through more contractions on my own on my hands and knees as Austin got our bags in the car.

The Car

We have a little Mazda 2, and I was really not happy about the idea of working through any contractions inside of it. Having space and leverage to adjust and move through each contraction was the only thing keeping me stable. I decided to kneel on the floor facing the back seat while Austin drove. We had grabbed some bath towels on the way out, and I gripped one as the contractions became more and more intense on the road while Austin sped. I tried to relax in between each. Austin kept the AC pumping and blared various Ludovico Eunadi tracks that we had prepared for the birth center.

By now, my sense of time was completely nonexistent. I know now that my time in the car was around 25 minutes total. My water broke, but I was in a sleeping gown so I was still able to remove my underwear quickly before the next contraction. As the pain increased I tried to feel to see if the baby was crowning, but was shocked to feel 10 tiny toes. I didn't have time to process what bad news it was to have a surprise double footling breech baby, which is probably better considering the circumstances in hindsight. For those unfamiliar with birth, you would be hard-pressed to find a hospital that would deliver a footling breech baby vaginally at all: they would be taken for a cesarean section.

The babies legs slowly emerged over the duration of a contraction, and I tried to remember not to touch them as I knew stimulating the baby could trigger a response of his arms inside me, which could stop his delivery and cause his death among other complications. With the next contraction, his body slipped out up to his neck. I massaged his legs and body as I waited for the next contraction to hopefully deliver his head. It is hard to know if that was the right move, since he could have decided to start breathing before his head was delivered. I can't think too much about that now.

Sure enough, with the next contraction, I pushed and his head came out. I was already holding his body, so I pulled him up, turned him over laying on my right hand and rubbed his back with my left hand trying to get him to cry and breathe. A month prior, I had actually dreamed that I had the baby outside of a medical facility and in the dream I knew to do all of that. I have wracked my brain for where that information came from, but I simply don't know. It took what seemed like much longer I'm sure, but he did cough and started to cry a little there in the back seat of that Mazda 2. My sweet, perfect husband (who never cries) was now audibly crying as he drove, just repeating "he's ok! I have a son! He's crying! He's breathing!"

You may be wondering about Austin. I shouted that his feet were coming out back when that happened, and Austin called the midwife back. My baby had been head down for months, so this was a shock for everyone. By the time the call ended, the baby was out and Krissy (my midwife) suggested we go to an ER since we were still around 20 minutes from the birth center. We just so happened to be coming up on the exit for the ER (I'm sorry for those of you who still only believe in coincidences), and Austin pulled in. 

Oliver and I carefully emerged from the floor, covered in blood, but in no pain. Following a natural birth, women's bodies are programmed to release a flood of hormones that act as painkillers, so I was unaware of my second degree perineal tear for the next few hours.

In Summary

Oliver Isa Dressman was born on August 25th, 2015 at 1:45am, weighing 6 lbs, 11 oz. He measured 20.5 inches long, and had absolutely no complications once he started breathing in that car. I received stitches for my tear, but never even needed as much as an IV or oxygen for anything else.

Every woman, body, and pregnancy are different. For me, I feel overwhelmingly privileged to have delivered Oliver naturally. I have never felt more powerful, more loved, or more purpose than I did that terrifying night, kneeling on the floor of our car. I obviously don't recommend delivering your own baby while your husband speeds on the highway, but I am grateful for the knowledge that I have a Heavenly Father who loves me and loves my baby. He knows me and what I am going through. I also know that God loves us through the misfortunes, and that if I had lost my child that night, which statistically should have happened, that I can still be with my little family forever. If you find yourself unsure of what will follow this life, I would encourage you to take steps towards coming to understand before you get there. 

I love my little family. Even as I sit here on this stitched up tush of mine, sore and nursing my tiny newborn, I feel an overwhelming surge of gratitude to be a woman. I am strong, and I am capable. I am grateful to be me.

The Waiting Game

Austin and I have decided to make this blog into our family blog in anticipation of our little one coming next month. Since family and close friends will be interested in the details of Oliver's coming, growth, and face, we figured it would be better to keep track of our story here rather than flooding facebook.

I am 35 weeks pregnant, and both of us are healthy as far as we can tell! I have been working with a midwife at the West Houston Birth Center for a number of reasons. Although I recognize that many women have more possible health risks, since I am healthy and game, I am excited about natural birth in a birth center. For those who are worried, it is only a few minutes from a hospital in case something goes wrong, but time and time again studies have shown that more goes wrong with added invasive monitoring and drugs. 

Recently we moved into our first house, less than 10 minutes from my dad, in Seabrook, Texas. It has been wonderful to set everything up and really prepare for the baby! Austin and I recognize that we are supremely blessed, especially for our age, and most of that comes from privilege outside of our own merits. Throughout the years we have been supported by such wonderful family and friends, and we can't help but overflow with gratitude as we glide into this next stage. I wish everyone in the world could have such a support system.

We will be actively amping up our efforts to take and upload photos! So feel free to nag and prod if its been too long, or if we are missing an opportunity to preserve history.

5 weeks and counting!

So Fresh, So Clean

Austin and I decided to rework this blog at the beginning of a new era for the newest Dressman family. We've been married for nearly four months now, will both graduate with our bachelor's degrees within the next two weeks, and within a month after that will have relocated to Houston, Texas.

I've accepted a position in the Spring Branch District in Houston through Teach For America, and Austin is looking for positions in Public Relations. We are optimistic, since Houston is one of the best cities for PR in the country.

In the last four months, Austin and I have been the busiest we've ever been. Austin has held two internships while going to school full time, and I student taught at a local middle school full time while working at BYU on Saturdays. We are grateful to be wrapping up, and excited for what's on its way! Austin and I will both be contributing to this blog, and are planning on posts ranging from photo updates to thoughts from the day.

Come back soon :)

Represent

Everyone wants to talk about women. So let's talk about women for a second.

The word "feminist" is accompanied by one torrent of a spectrum, but for the sake of this brief conversation, I'm going to call myself a feminist. 

I think I rock.

As do other women.

As do men.

As a general rule, I think human beings are pretty A+ creatures.

However, I've noticed something that I feel is being miscommunicated that I would love to clear up, if I can. It has to do with image, modesty, representation, and self respect.

If this is the first you're seeing this image, don't be too hard on yourself. This is Rihanna in her new video "Pour It Up." It emphasizes the allure of strippers and wealth. I'd like to hope that Rihanna has a whole truckload of redeeming qualities. I just...can't tell from that video.

I'm not seeing any strides for women here. I see power, yes. Perhaps a sense of freedom? To be honest this really isn't the kind of power I'm looking for. Maybe that's weird.

Now before you get all crazy on me and start thinking this:



I want to clarify that I don't think a body is anything to be ashamed of. I'm quite proud of mine, to be honest. This is not a "cover up- no one wants to see that" conversation. What an incredible phenomenon is the human body! I just mean to make the point, ridiculous as it may seem, that there is more to me as a being, a woman, a student, an activist, and whatever else I choose to be, than my physical appearance or sexual allure.

It's right about now that the big ugly word "modesty" comes into play. I know people hate that word. "Modesty" has come to have a nearly oppressive tint to it, and I lament that. So when I use it here, yes, I'm referring to clothing, but more than that- I'm referring to a sense of self imposed self-respect.
(Did anyone else notice how many S's that was? Just saying.)

Everyone likes talking about women in relation to men, so I'll indulge you for a second.

This image is featured at the Women's Rights Museum in Seneca Falls, New York. It's one of my personal favorites, and it's really what I'm talking about here. The message is, women are often seen for their quality outsides, and men for their quality insides. Under this rationale, I hope you're really proud of those master's degrees, ladies.

Do you wish to be respected for what goes on in your brain?

Do you consider yourself to have a strong character and a sound mind?

Does your will power or your cool intellect contribute and make the world a safer and more sane place?

Does your love for others give them hope or a greater reason to press on?

Then do yourself a favor. Focus on that, instead.

As a final example of what I mean by all of this, I'd like to give you just a few examples of women who I personally look up to, regardless of their sex appeal or nerve to walk outside in underwear. 

Jessica U. Meir-  Assistant Professor of Anesthesia at Harvard Medical School, and one of the eight new astronauts of NASA. (Ok...once the government shutdown shenanigans are over)

 Chimamanda Adichie- Inspirational speaker and author. She has received education from Yale, Johns Hopkins, University of Nigeria,  Drexel, and Eastern Connecticut State University.

Crystal Christensen- Elementary school teacher, talented blogger, good friend, and currently battling bone cancer like a champion.

These three beautiful women inspire me to further develop what makes me who I am. Every day should be spent questioning, learning, giving everything you've got to make this world a better place, and let's be honest- the best way to do those things is with your clothes on.

Enculturation. But what else can you do?

Hi everyone!

I've been asked to do one of those assignments you do when you tell people about what makes you you and all that and stuff.

You are now privy to it.

YOU'RE WELCOME.

1. Microphone- I am a recording artist, and will be releasing an album in the fall. These songs mean more than fame or recognition, but have always been a part of who I am. I am not trained, but play the piano, guitar, and I sing. In more aspects than just music, I think of myself as slightly rough around the edges but true.

Possibilities. Imagination. Creativity.

2. Cheerwine- I am from North Carolina and miss it. Being from the South has shaped much of how I see myself and others. It has molded my political views, the pace of life, my environmental preference, and my sense of home.

Accepting. Nostalgic. Heritage.

3. Engagement Ring- I am getting married in January! I come from a culture that values marriage, and it's not so strange to be getting married at 23.

Commitment. Sacrifice. Hope.

4. Tracting shoes- I served a mission in Upstate New York and returned in May of this year.

Hard work. Dedication. Religious conviction.

There are few things more paralyzing
Than that fear

Fairweather Friend

Well, hear we are.

Home is kind of a funny word. As it turns out, I attach that word to people. With that said, I am really happy to be home with my dad and brothers. I sure do love them.

Mostly, I think I was surprised at how normal it felt to walk back into life after being a missionary. Don't get me wrong- I loved and appreciated my time preaching the good word, but I knew this was coming. I knew it was time.

I think probably the strangest part about being hurled back into what is generally termed as reality is that you've missed the slow progression of all your loved ones. Sometimes people have started turning their lives around and then when you get back you're pleasantly surprised. On the other hand, those who've let themselves go are much more of a shock than they would have been otherwise. The difference between your interactions as a missionary and non-missionary is that as a missionary I primarily dealt with people searching for help. Now I seem to be swimming in a world full of my friends and family who are so sad and would prefer for me to watch them suffer rather than help in any way. That's comfortable.

Pros and cons exist in all situations. Happy to be home, but I need to build up some of those old callouses.

You are the torch and it all makes sense

The best word to describe this week is probably "unconventional."

We just had a lot of strange stuff go on, but considering it was my last week as a missionary, I probably shouldn't be that surprised.

First of all, last Sunday Sister Szuch and I were invited to go speak at the Wellsville Branch. There were 21 people there in total, and that's including 8 missionaries (us, a set of elders, and 2 senior couples). It took just over 2 hours to get there, and the way was beautiful. Spring came on super quick here in New York and it has been so wonderful this past week! The rolling hills and trees everywhere is pretty similar to North Carolina but not as hot. It was nice to have so much time to just sort some things out in my head. There is something so therapeutic about car trips.

Sister Szuch and I both anticipated the entire event being kind of sad because of how small the group is, but I was really surprised! There was such a happy and pleasant spirit about those people, and I feel so privileged that I had the opportunity to meet them and speak there! It made me so happy to think about how valiant and strong people are all over the world. Going to church is not about entertainment or talent- it's about truth. Every week they carry on with their various tasks, standing very alone in their groups of friends and family, but they know what's right, so what else matters? I spoke on receiving guidance and revelation through the Spirit, and Sister Szuch spoke on what we've recently termed "the big three." Those are:

1. Prayer

2. Scripture Study

3. Service

Everyone has those days where they just feel irritated or depressed. Sometimes it's seemingly for no reason, sometimes it's because of legitimate circumstances. Regardless, on those days I've started asking myself- how were my prayers this morning? Was I really trying to pray or was it routine? Then, how was my study this morning? Did I do it? Was I really there or was I unfocused? And then finally, who am I serving right now? If you are seeking to gratify yourself, your day is going to continue to be terrible. If you are looking for others who need help, you will feel lighter and more happy. If your day has been rotten, go back to the big 3. Generally, it is there that you will find your answer! I know God didn't put us here to be unhappy. He put us here to confront challenges for sure! But He is always looking to help us through.

So I guess this is my last email! There are a bunch of different ways I could end this...quite a bit has changed over the last year and a half. I'm about the same weight, (although I'm pretty sure I've lost some baby fat in my face) I'm the same height, I still don't like onions, bees are still of Satan, but so much of how I see myself, God, and the world has changed. I feel at peace, and I feel more whole. I will miss so much of Western New York and being a missionary, but I am looking forward to the next chapter of my life. I am so grateful for the opportunity I've had of being a full-time missionary. The church is true, my friends.

See you all soon!

Sister Raines signing out.

Full court press

This week we went on exchanges again, except since a lot of weird stuff has been going on with the site trainers, I went with Sister Aiello from Italy instead of Sister Madsen, and Sister Butters came to Waterloo with Sister Szuch. It was interesting! Sister Aiello goes home a transfer after me but she's really struggled with English. I'm proud of her for keepin on- language is not an easy thing. 

Other than that, there's really not much to update anyone on! I hope everyone has a good week

Sister Raines

Righteous Revolutionaries

To give you a bit of a glimpse of what it's like to live in my house right now...the 4 of us spent a good 10 minutes this morning discussing the label on my recently purchased body wash. It's called "sheer twilight." We were specifically discussing how it's impossible to say that name without whispering it. It has to be whispered! Anyways.

As for the rest of life, I have been getting more and more tired. You can see it in pictures taken of me, which is part of why I've been sending fewer and fewer pictures. I've been learning more on my mission to live in the moment because sometimes it's too much to think about anything besides the task at hand. Yesterday morning I woke up and thought to myself "I can do today." And I knew I could! And I did. Sometimes I have to tell myself "I can do this next hour" or something like that until I can get up the energy to focus on more. I can't think about anything at home really because it's too much to focus on and it's overwhelming because I can barely do what I need to do for the rest of the week! I used to be really good at seeing ahead even years ha. As much as I really love this work, it is very tiring. More tiring for your soul and emotions, it seems. Tiring nonetheless. I am grateful for every moment, and I am grateful for moments to catch your breath and dive back in. This is a lesson I'll need to understand for the rest of my life! Not everything is a cake walk, but I can do today.

I said goodbye to my dear Bre and Yesse from Rochester this week! I'm attaching a picture of them from when they were baptized in December. The Elders in the singles branch taught them, but somehow or other we got to be good friends. It was weird to say bye to them because it was one of the first goodbyes I've had to say. They are planning a trip to Utah in June though, so I hope to see them then.

A theme that Sister Szuch and I kind of stumbled into this week comes from Mormon 9:19-
"And if there were miracles wrought then, why has God ceased to be a God of miracles and yet be an unchangeable Being? And behold, I say unto you he changeth not; if so he would cease to be God; and he ceaseth not to be God, and is a God of miracles."

Miracles don't always look like we expect they will look! But they are still there. I'm grateful for the many miracles in my life. It was a good pilot light of a scripture for this week for me. I hope it helps some of you, too.

That's all from me!

Sister Ray

"Hope on. Journey on. Honestly acknowledge your questions and your concerns, but first and forever, fan the flames of your faith." -Jeffrey R. Holland

 

 

Always be yourself. Unless you can be Batman, then always be Batman.

Good morning :)

Sorry I'm emailing so late this week- we had appointments all afternoon, and this morning we decided to hit up the Salvation army. I got a Catcher in the Rye tshirt! Life is good. Clearly.

Ok! This week! We're still teaching this one family, but we can never seem to get through all the lessons because every time we get there they've brought a friend over and they want us to start over! So that's been fun. I really love answering questions. There's a trend these days to lean towards anything that's known as "nondenominational," which is sweet in theory, but when what that really translates to is not having any doctrine. Nondenominational seems to work alright if all people want is good morals, but Christ established a church so that we could receive truth. Not talking about the issues doesn't exactly fix anything, and it doesn't teach anything. It's just running.

"And he gave some, apostles; and some, prophets; and some, evangelists; and some, pastors and teachers; For the perfecting of the saints, for the work of the ministry, for the edifying of the body of Christ: Till we all come in the unity of the faith, and of the knowledge of the Son of God, unto a perfect man, unto the measure of the stature of the fulness of Christ: That we henceforth be no more children, tossed to and fro, and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the sleight of men, and cunning craftiness, whereby they lie in wait to deceive; But speaking the truth in love, may grow up into him in all things, which is the head, even Christ." 
-Ephesians 4:11-15

When we went to teach that family on Tuesday, 3 teenagers were sitting on their couch. When we mentioned that we were going to have a lesson they asked if they could stay! I love kids who have questions. One of them asked question after question after question. I absolutely LOVED it! I loved it because questions are good! They are good if we are willing to be patient, to trust God, and to feel truth. He still had a ton of questions when we left but we had other appointments to get to that day. We will be meeting with that group again tomorrow afternoon. Everybody has questions! It doesn't seem to me that God intended us to go through this life confused without a way to find light and truth.

"If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him."

-James 1:5

Sometimes it takes awhile, but understanding comes. Truth exists, regardless of our acknowledgement of it or obedience to it. I am grateful for that.

General Conference was phenomenal! I've been having trouble narrowing down my favorites...but I think it's between one given by Elaine S. Dalton and one given by Dieter F. Uchtdorf. When I was listening to Sister Dalton I was reminded of how grateful I am to be a woman, and to know that I am a daughter of God. It's hard to describe how I felt as I listened to her. I felt whole and capable and happy. I hope you all take the chance to watch that if you haven't already. Elder Uchtdorf talked about light and darkness. He talked about a woman who lived in adverse circumstances for much of her early life. To demonstrate the point of his address, he said:
"She sought counseling and medical help and began to realize that, for her, the best path for healing was to understand and accept that darkness exists—but not to dwell there. For, as she now knew, light also exists—and that is where she chose to dwell."
He goes on to discuss how the source of this light is Jesus Christ. How grateful I am to know that!
Sister Dalton's talk:
https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2013/04/we-are-daughters-of-our-heavenly-father?lang=eng
Elder Uchtdorf's talk:

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2013/04/the-hope-of-gods-light?lang=eng

Pay attention to how you feel as you read or watch or listen to their addresses. I know their words to be true.

Things are still good in all other realms of missionary life. It still hasn't sunk in that I'm leaving really...I've been told it won't sink in until I'm on a plane heading south, but I suppose we'll see. I am happy to be here, and I'll be happy to hug all of you again. Can't complain either way.

I hope everyone is well in the muggle world! Don't forget about me in the next few weeks, ok?

Love,
Sister Raines

Spice Cake

It's been a great week! Sister Szuch started it out (the week starts the day after I email in this case) by riding bikes everywhere we had to go on Saturday instead of using the car. Mostly this was because we were out of miles for the month. We wouldn't have been thrust into the dungeon or anything if we had gone over, but I kind of like a challenge, it seems. And it worked! But my bum ached for like 2 days afterwords. The problem with this plan is we had an appointment to do service with a member of the ward who lives on the other side of Seneca Falls, the other sisters' area. When we got to their house at the end of the 18 mile day, they refused to let us bike home, so we got a ride in their truck from their. I can't say I wasn't happy about that. Our bikes never did learn how to gear down from 6th gear. Yeah...

Most of our week was spent at the Visitors' Centers which continue to pick up in traffic. I really love giving tours when it's busy. Can I just say that? The VC has been a trial of my mission in many ways because switching focus back and forth from normal missionary work to VC work makes you a little crazy, and sitting around studying for hours when no one comes in also makes you a little crazy. When people come in though, I remember how much I really love people, and I get to talk about the sites here, which I love! It's great. I'm grateful I get to end my mission on a busy note instead of a Winter one.

This morning we got to go take a yoga class! Right before I got pink eye we went and helped this lady paint the studio because she was renovating it but was really busy. They are great! They live next to the Lindquists in the ward, which is how she found us. Before my mission I never really did yoga, and my only experience with it was like flailing and standing in funny positions. When yoga is done well, it is AWESOME. I'd like to continue to experiment with it in some capacity when I get home. I attribute most of this to Tony of P90X :) Thanks, Tony.

All the new Sisters seem to be doing well and everything is calming down from the craziness of this past transfer. I have not started packing yet, in case you were wondering...I don't plan on doing that for a few more weeks. Sister Szuch and I are livin it up for as long as is possible. I will really miss teaching about the Gospel of Jesus Christ here soon. I hope I get some crazy teaching calling in NC when I get back. If not I might start calling some of you randomly and asking to review a principle. Just when you thought I hadn't turned into a crazy, right? Ok I'll try not to do that.

Not too much other news for now I don't think- things are good. Britton had a relapse at smoking this week, but after a little bit of reassurance, he's back on track. Sometimes the worst part of quitting something or trying to improve is getting the motivation to try again once you relapse. He's a good kid. I'm grateful to know him, and I'm grateful for people who have the courage to press on!

Ok I'm out for this week. Have a cheery week!

Sister Raines

PS. Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.