There are few things more paralyzing
Than that fear

Fairweather Friend

Well, hear we are.

Home is kind of a funny word. As it turns out, I attach that word to people. With that said, I am really happy to be home with my dad and brothers. I sure do love them.

Mostly, I think I was surprised at how normal it felt to walk back into life after being a missionary. Don't get me wrong- I loved and appreciated my time preaching the good word, but I knew this was coming. I knew it was time.

I think probably the strangest part about being hurled back into what is generally termed as reality is that you've missed the slow progression of all your loved ones. Sometimes people have started turning their lives around and then when you get back you're pleasantly surprised. On the other hand, those who've let themselves go are much more of a shock than they would have been otherwise. The difference between your interactions as a missionary and non-missionary is that as a missionary I primarily dealt with people searching for help. Now I seem to be swimming in a world full of my friends and family who are so sad and would prefer for me to watch them suffer rather than help in any way. That's comfortable.

Pros and cons exist in all situations. Happy to be home, but I need to build up some of those old callouses.

You are the torch and it all makes sense

The best word to describe this week is probably "unconventional."

We just had a lot of strange stuff go on, but considering it was my last week as a missionary, I probably shouldn't be that surprised.

First of all, last Sunday Sister Szuch and I were invited to go speak at the Wellsville Branch. There were 21 people there in total, and that's including 8 missionaries (us, a set of elders, and 2 senior couples). It took just over 2 hours to get there, and the way was beautiful. Spring came on super quick here in New York and it has been so wonderful this past week! The rolling hills and trees everywhere is pretty similar to North Carolina but not as hot. It was nice to have so much time to just sort some things out in my head. There is something so therapeutic about car trips.

Sister Szuch and I both anticipated the entire event being kind of sad because of how small the group is, but I was really surprised! There was such a happy and pleasant spirit about those people, and I feel so privileged that I had the opportunity to meet them and speak there! It made me so happy to think about how valiant and strong people are all over the world. Going to church is not about entertainment or talent- it's about truth. Every week they carry on with their various tasks, standing very alone in their groups of friends and family, but they know what's right, so what else matters? I spoke on receiving guidance and revelation through the Spirit, and Sister Szuch spoke on what we've recently termed "the big three." Those are:

1. Prayer

2. Scripture Study

3. Service

Everyone has those days where they just feel irritated or depressed. Sometimes it's seemingly for no reason, sometimes it's because of legitimate circumstances. Regardless, on those days I've started asking myself- how were my prayers this morning? Was I really trying to pray or was it routine? Then, how was my study this morning? Did I do it? Was I really there or was I unfocused? And then finally, who am I serving right now? If you are seeking to gratify yourself, your day is going to continue to be terrible. If you are looking for others who need help, you will feel lighter and more happy. If your day has been rotten, go back to the big 3. Generally, it is there that you will find your answer! I know God didn't put us here to be unhappy. He put us here to confront challenges for sure! But He is always looking to help us through.

So I guess this is my last email! There are a bunch of different ways I could end this...quite a bit has changed over the last year and a half. I'm about the same weight, (although I'm pretty sure I've lost some baby fat in my face) I'm the same height, I still don't like onions, bees are still of Satan, but so much of how I see myself, God, and the world has changed. I feel at peace, and I feel more whole. I will miss so much of Western New York and being a missionary, but I am looking forward to the next chapter of my life. I am so grateful for the opportunity I've had of being a full-time missionary. The church is true, my friends.

See you all soon!

Sister Raines signing out.